What You Didn't Know About the Lord of the Rings
by KUG
Summary: A series of one-shots about the fellowships adventures.
1. Legolas like cupcakes: part 1

What You Didn't Know About Lord of the Rings

1: Legolas likes cupcakes; part 1

After staying in Lothlorien for a while, the fellowship left to finish their quest-thingy. Everyone was thinking or talking about the presents they got from Lady Galadriel.

"She gave me three golden hairpins! And I asked for one!" boasted Gimli.

"Oh yeah, well I got a glass flashlight-thingy!" said Frodo from the other boat.

"I got an awesome bow." stated Legolas regally.

"We got gold belts!" chimed in Pippin and Merry.

"Well _I_ can't remember what I got at all!" Everybody stared at Boromir.

"That doesn't count." said Aragorn.

"I _know_ it doesn't. I was just trying to join in the conversation."

"I LOVE CUPCAKES!" screamed Legolas randomly. Everybody stared.

"That was _so_ not regal and princely." said Frodo.

"I KNOW BUT I LOVE CUPCAKES!"

"Shut up! You're hurting my ears!" moaned Gimli, covering his ears.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" bellowed Legolas right next to Gimli's face.

"I SAID YOU'RE HURTING MY EARS!"

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL! AAAHHH! BUNNIES ARE CUTE! I LIKE SPRINKLES AND CHOCOLATE! I LIIIIKE CUPCAAAAAAAAAAAAKES!"

Frodo then whacked the elf on the back of the head and knocked him out, also effectively shutting him up.


	2. Legolas like cupcakes: part 2

**Authors Note: In the previous chapter, someone asked if Legolas was gay. Well he isn't. And no one in any of my stories ever will be. Thanks to all the readers out there! I am pleased to see that the people haz been reading my first FanFic.**

**As always, R&R please!**

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2: Legolas likes cupcakes; part 2

Turns out that the reason why Legolas had been screaming and acting weird was because he had just eaten a batch of Sugar's Sweet Cupcakes, one of his favorite brands. It's chock-full of sugar and Legolas gets VERY sugar hyper. His mom and dad probably didn't know that he had brought his instant-bake oven and a box of Sugar's Sweet Cupcakes chocolate mix or else none of that would have happened.  
Aragorn had now confiscated the box and Legolas (looking surprisingly like a little kid) was sulking with his lower lip stuck out. He was flipping his oven on and off continuously, wasting the battery, while the rest of the Fellowship sat silently around a small fire watching the elf flip the switch up and down, up and down. Boromir sat with a greedy gleam in his eyes. If anyone had known what he was thinking they would have fled. All except Legolas.  
When the rest of the fellowship was asleep, Boromir crept over to Aragorn's bag and grabbed a small box. He then commenced with his secret plan.  
Legolas was awakened by the smell of chocolate cupcakes. He sat bolt upright and said in robotic voice, "Take me to your cupcakes." He then walked towards his small instant-bake oven, stiff legged. There were about a dozen chocolate cupcakes in it and Legolas grabbed one. Crooning softly to it, he stuffed it into his mouth. He then proceeded to eat every single cupcake.  
Suddenly Boromir jumped out of nowhere and grabbed the elf, covering Legolas's mouth with one hand. He then tied him up and sat him by a tree.  
"If you move I will throw your cupcakes into the fire!" Boromir threatened. Wide-eyed, Legolas nodded. Boromir then grabbed a cupcake and Frodo. "Frodo, you must give me the ring or else I will force-feed you this cupcake and let Legolas tear you to pieces!"  
Frodo took one look at the wild-eyed elf and slipped the ring out of his pocket. But before he could give it to Boromir, Legolas began to sing loudly, staring at the cupcake in Frodo's hand.  
"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more." Instantly the other people in the Fellowship woke up and, grabbing Frodo and leaving Boromir to fend off the beast he had created, they ran. Behind them they heard screaming and when Gimli looked back, he saw Legolas grab a random giant chicken leg and start beating Boromir with it, yelling, "YOU VICIOUS BEAST! YOU WOULD DARE HARM MY CUPPY-CAKES!  
So Legolas dropped out of the Fellowship and, even though the ring was destroyed, Legolas disappeared. Some people claim that they saw him run off into sunrise, carrying a small instant-bake oven and a box of Sugar's Sweet Cupcakes chocolate mix.


	3. Aragorn can't eat peanut butter

**Authors Note: Sorry about my last chapter everybody! XP I looked at it and I was all like, '...Crap!' So I hope this one is better!**

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3:Aragorn can't eat peanut butter

One bright sunny day, Legolas was visiting Minas Tirith with his best friend, Gimli. Aragorn was the king and Arwen was his wife the queen. Aragorn was having a blast with his two friends in his front yard(the place in front of the king-hall-thingy), when they suddenly found a box shaped like a cube that was one foot by one foot by one foot.

"I wonder what's in it?" said Gimli thoughtfully.

"Maybe it's some…CUPCAKES!" murmured Legolas dreamily.

"OH NO!" Aragorn shrieked. "GUARDS!" There followed a quick scuffle while four guards grabbed Legolas's arms.

"CUPCAKES! CUPCAKES! CUPCAKES!" screamed Legolas, trying in vain to free himself and open the box.

"Aragorn? What are you doing?" someone called from the house.

"Nothing Arwen!" Aragorn called back sweetly. He turned around and grabbed a hammer from a guy who was building a pavilion nearby. "Guards, keep holding him." 'Him' referring to Legolas, who had somehow managed to knock out one of the guards and was now attempting to free his foot, to which a soldier(who had joined the three guards) was clinging valiantly. Legolas was still screaming for his cupcakes.  
Aragorn, keeping a wary eye on Legolas, pulled the nails out of the box lid with the hammer. He pulled off the lid and tossed it to one side and peered into the box.

"It's just some jars of peanut butter." said Gimli, full of disappointment. Legolas suddenly went limp and the guards let go of him, dropping him to the ground.  
One of the guards eyed him carefully to make sure he was not faking. When he was sure the elf wasn't he turned to the Aragorn. "He fainted." he declared.  
Aragorn nodded. "He ran out of cupcake energy." When he received only puzzled looks he explained. "Cupcake energy is energy that he gets when he thinks there are cupcakes nearby. He'll be unconscious for a little while." The guards all nodded wisely, pretending that they had known all along.

"Anyway there's just peanut butter in here." said Gimli.

"I like peanut butter." said Aragorn. A guard picked up a jar of peanut butter and offered it to Aragorn.

"WAIT!" screamed Legolas, suddenly revived. "DON'T LET HIM HAVE ANY PEANUT BUTTER! WHAT HAPPENS IS REALLY BAD!" The guards, afraid that Legolas would eat the peanut butter and something bad would happen, just grabbed him and he fainted again, out of peanut butter panic energy(don't ask).  
Aragorn pulled a spoon out of his pocket and opened a jar of peanut butter. He then ate two whole jars of it without stopping, while Gimli made some lemonade with a random bag of apples he had found. Suddenly the spoon fell to the ground and Aragorn froze. He twitched several times, then the bad stuff happened.

"IGLEE SNARD FORNDADSN DKFJ MOFDH!" he screamed bouncing up and down on Gimli's head. "INFHSD DRADSF DRIDEW, IGGSLAVODDD!"

"What is he saying?" shouted Gimli. He was trying in vain to catch Aragorn, who was running in circles around the white tree singing Carmelldansen in Spanish.

"He has his own private language." said Legolas calmly as he ate a PB&J sandwich and drank some lemonade.

"Can you translate?" asked Gimli.

"No. By the way, this lemonade tastes like grape juice."

"I know, 'cause it's actually made from apples."  
So for the rest of the day Aragorn ran wild through the city until he ran out of energy and went to bed, where Arwen whacked him with a spoon for leaving her best silverware outside. So never ever feed Aragorn peanut butter.

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**So, you like? Okay, coming up next will be one about Frodo. I hope you'll come and read it!**

**As always, R&R.  
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	4. Frodo and the mushrooms

**Authors Note: The last chapter was full of mistakes as well as the 2nd! XP So sorry everyone! I hope you like this one. Because I didn't think it was so good.**

**Thanks: To my brother, if it weren't for him this chapter/story wouldn't exist!**

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**4:Frodo and the mushrooms

When Frodo was traveling with Sam and Gollum through Ithillian, the place right before Minas Morgul, he found some mushrooms.

"MUSHROOMS!" he shrieked joyfully.

"Shush master! The orcses will hear you!" said Gollum.

"Yes listen to what Gollum says master Frodo." agreed Sam. Gollum eyed the hobbit with distrust, startled that the 'stupid fat hobbit' was agreeing with him. Meanwhile Frodo ran to the mushrooms and began to stuff his face without another thought. "Wait a second mister Frodo! They may be poisonous!" called Sam, hurrying to catch up.

He was remembering several different times when Frodo had eaten poisonous mushrooms. He had never died, of course, but had been very delusional and mistaken different objects for people and had once grabbed Bilbo's hand to cook with, burning the old hobbit in the process. Frodo had a knack for eating the only poisonous mushrooms within five miles.  
It was to late however, because when Sam got to Frodo's side he had already eaten all the mushrooms. Frodo burped. "Ver' ver' tasty." he mumbled fuzzily. "I lurve mushooms." He was drooling a little and his normally bright brown eyes were dull.

"Oh no!" moaned Sam. "He's going delusional!"

Sure enough, Frodo got up and staggered over to a small, ugly tree. Blinking thickly, he slurred, "Oh hullo lady Gladriel." He fumbled in his pocket for a moment and brought out a small shining object. He held out the ring to the tree with a smile. "You c'n have the ring now if you want it." He stood there, holding out the ring for a little while, then said angrily, "What you don't want it? Fine then Saruman!" He slipped the ring onto his finger and disappeared.

"Wait Frodo!" cried Sam, rushing forwards. Meanwhile Frodo drew Sting and stabbed the tree several times with it. He then triumphantly sheathed his sword and took off the ring. But then something dreadful happened.

A Ringwraith appeared and swooped towards him! It had been alerted to his presence when he had put on the ring. Frodo turned around and smiled happily. "It's an eagle!" he cried joyfully. The Ringwraith snatched Frodo up and took him to Barad-dur, where Sauron got his ring back.

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more." Sauron sang to it in the black speech(which sounds really weird), stroking it all the while.

Sauron won and he got to rule Middle Earth. So my advice me amigos, don't give Frodo poisonous mushrooms, 'cause then Sauron will take over Middle Earth.

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**So, this chapter is not very good. But you need to review anyways!**

**Thanks to my faithful reviewers(I know not that many have done so). To Huntress of the moon, Sylva Dragon, Christina Conlon, Rowan Renee, Elf prince of Mirkwood is mine and Jedininjamellomaster  
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**Thank you all so much!  
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	5. Legolas and the hair emergency

**Authors Note: This chapter is probably one of my best yet! *parties* I looked at all the reviews and I was like, 'Wow!' I haven't got _single_ negative review! I am so pleased with all of you!**

**Thanks: To my brother (again), for without him this chapter would not exist. He gave me the idea and helped to edit it and gave me pointers on grammar and things like that. (my grammar is still not that good.)**

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5: Legolas and the hair emergency

After Frodo threw the ring into Mount Doom and saved Middle Earth, there was a big victory party in Minas Tirith. It was also a pool party and a bring-some-food-party so everybody was wearing bathing suits and eating hot dogs and chips and drinking soft drinks. All the guys(including all the elves, which was rather surprising) were rowdy in the pool and they kept tipping the girls on floaties over. They also had water games such as Marco Polo and Sharks and Minnows. Mostly boys played squirt gun games but everyone joined in the water balloon fights. It was a perfect party. Until Boromir showed up.

"Hey guys! It's me! I'm back!" called Boromir. Everyone stopped where they were and stared. "Why are you guys all looking at me like that?" asked Boromir, confused.

"You're supposed to be dead!" exclaimed Legolas.

"What do you mean?"

"Remember? Lurtz killed you and we pushed you over the waterfall in a boat."

"Oh yeah! You're right! Except I didn't die actually. I'm not quite sure what happened. But here I am!"

Aragorn exchanged looks with Legolas. Then he shrugged. "Whatever. Welcome back Boromir!"

Everyone mimicked him and then gave a loud cheer. The party continued while Boromir told everyone who would listen about what happened to him. The part that you have just read is not the bad part. That is still to come.  
Well, everyone was having a great time until Legolas got a little too hyper. First, he whacked Elrond with his squirt gun and then ran around screaming loudly when the black-haired elf chased him. Then he pulled his best friend's ears, which is one of the most serious crimes that an elf can commit. Aragorn and all the other party-goers were slightly perplexed. Until Aragorn realized what had happened. He and Arwen had neglected to tell the guests not to bring cupcakes.

Filled with horror, Aragorn exchanged a look with Arwen. "He's going to kill somebody!" Aragorn murmured to his wife.

"Unless we do something fast!"

But it was to late, they realized. A tall blond elf, who just so happened to be Glorfindel, was picking up the last strawberry cupcake. Legolas was holding a hot dog in one hand and staring hard at Glorfindel. Thinking quickly, Legolas fitted the hot dog to his bow. He pulled it back as far as possible and released it. The other elf saw him and ducked just in time. Instead of hitting him, the hot dog flew strait into Boromir's mouth. Shocked, he just stared at Legolas. Then he flew into a rage.

"I'm a vegetarian!" he shrieked. Grabbing a Sprite, he shook it up and threw it at the unsuspecting Legolas, who was busy trying to wrest the cupcake out of Glorfindel's grasp. It missed but exploded right behind him. Legolas gave a yelp and, completely forgetting about his cupcake, leapfrogged over the other elf's back. He crashed strait into Boromir, who thought that Legolas was attacking him. Thinking quickly, he grabbed a handful of chips and smashed them into Legolas's hair. Whatever he had hoped to accomplish with that, we shall never know.

Legolas froze. He reached up a tentative hand and touched his hair. As his fingers came into contact with the pieces of chips, he gave a loud scream.

"MY HAIR!" He frantically tried to brush the chips out of his hair, screaming loudly. Glorfindel, the closest elf, paused what he was doing and turned to look. He gave a gasp of horror at what he saw.

"NO!" He raced to Legolas's side and joined in the other elf's frantic brushing. "All elves respond to my urgent message!" he cried. "A fellow elf has a hair problem!" His loud announcement was heard by all and there was an immediate rush in the pool and surrounding area as all the elves ran or swam to help with the hair problem.

"OH NO!"

"QUICK, SOMEBODY BRING A BRUSH!"

"THIS IS TO HORRIBLE TO WATCH!"

All the non-elves watched with amusement as the normally stately elves ran around in obvious panic. A young elf suddenly tripped in his haste to find a brush. He got back up holding his nose, which was now bleeding, and continued on his quest, oblivious to the gasps of horror from the normal people.

"Wait a second!" called Aragorn as Arwen fell of her floatie in her haste to get to the hair disaster. "Where are you going?"

"I must help an elf in need!" his wife cried as she dashed up the pool steps.

"Don't you even care that a fellow elf has broken his nose?"

"No! Hair problems are very disastrous!" Shocked that his wife cared more about hair than a real injury, Aragorn just watched the huddle of elves surrounding Legolas.

After about ten minutes, the hair disaster was over. The group of elves had started to disperse and Legolas was now patting the last couple strands of hair into place. The young elf whose nose was broken was finally given medical care. There followed another emergency when the elves realized the seriousness of a broken nose. It would ruin his good looks! Legolas joined in the rush this time, still smoothing his hair. A couple of elves ran after him, helping him fix the last couple strands.

After the second emergency everything calmed down back to normal. Legolas was no longer hyper as the hair incident had completely wiped out all of his abnormal energy. He then found Boromir and killed him for real, helped by the rest of the elves since the worst crime anyone can commit is messing up an elf's hair.

So please remember this story when you think about smashing chips into an elf's hair. It will get nasty.

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**Oh, to all ya'll out there, I need more ideas! This is the last great idea I've had for this story. Please pm me and tell me your ideas! I will carefully consider all of them so please, send ideas! They may be featured in my story!**

**P.S. I will mention your username and what your idea was at the beginning of the new chapters****. I will also look and see your stories. And I will gives you a cookie!  
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**Thank you all so much!  
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	6. Lord of the Funyun rings

**Yay! I now have six chapters in my spoof! Thanks to TheFlyingCat for the idea. I now will give you a cupcake! I _was_ going to give you a cookie but I eated it. Here is the cupcake. *holds out cupcake* Whoops! Legolas took it! *Legolas runs off into the sunset with the cupcake*** **Sorry! Anyways thanks for the idea.**

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6: The Lord of the Funyun rings

One peaceful day, or night, when the fellowship was in Moria, there was a conflict over the ring. No one noticed at first, because it all started with Boromir eating his Funyun rings.

Boromir stared forlornly at the empty bag in his hands. Angrily he crumpled it with a loud crackle. He then threw it over the edge of a hole. Nobody noticed because they were absorbed in their own snacks. Aragorn continuously tried to steal Legolas's mini Nutter Butter's and Legolas, defending his snack bag, attempted to take Aragorn's mini chocolate cookies. Gandalf made a protective shield over himself as he ate his Doritos and Merry, Pippen, Sam and Frodo simultaneously kept reaching into a bag of Cheeto's Puffs and fighting viciously over them. Gimli was guarding his lemonade (made with real apples) ferociously, not even drinking any.

Boromir suddenly saw a flash of something golden. He turned his head and stared. To him, it looked as if Frodo was wearing a perfectly round Funyun on a chain around his neck. It was really the ring but Boromir, who is obsessed with Funyuns, thought it was a snack food. Boromir stared at the ring. Suddenly, the Funyun ring began to whisper to him.

"_Adgiad fudd oadnfi dfhids!_" it said.

Boromir's eyes gleamed. "My Funyun!" he murmured. Glancing furtively about, he crawled towards the ring. Frodo jerked upright from his Cheeto's and gave a yell when Boromir leaped at him. "The precious!" screamed Boromir. "I must have the precious!"

Legolas, jerked his head around to look and collided with Aragorn. Heads aching, he and Aragorn lost interest with everything and lay on the floor holding their heads. Gandalf jumped up and spilled all his Doritos into Gimli's pitcher of lemonade. Immediately he was faced with a very angry dwarf and he and Gimli both lost interest in Boromir and Frodo, who where tangled up fighting for the ring. Sam, Merry and Pippen just ate their Cheeto's and paid no attention to anybody.

Boromir finally managed to take the ring from Frodo. He jumped up with a triumphant shout. He stuffed the ring into his mouth. A moment later he spat it into his hand. "It's not a Funyun!" he screamed. He threw it across the room and it flew strait into Frodo's open mouth. Frodo had gone around the hole in the floor to tell Gandalf that Boromir had taken his ring. He closed his mouth and swallowed. He opened his eyes wide when he realized that he had just swallowed it.

Gimli stopped fighting with Gandalf and Legolas and Aragorn had recovered from their head knock. They all stared at Frodo. They knew what this meant.

It was Legolas who said it first. "This means you'll have to jump into Mount Doom!" he exclaimed. Frodo started to cry at this sudden revelation. Legolas sighed. "That means we may win the war but with a price." Everyone nodded sadly.

"Hey! To mourn Frodo, because he's going to die now anyway, lets eat lots of snack food!" exclaimed Gandalf. Everyone except for Frodo smiled and nodded happily.

Legolas started once again to steal Aragorn's cookies and Gimli made some new lemonade (with some apples of course). Everybody but Frodo celebrated.

So Frodo went to Mount Doom and came up with a new plan, which did not involve dying (do not ask what kind of plan). And everybody was happy but Boromir because _he_ died.


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